Candles. Bubble baths. Cutting people off. Netflix binges are labelled as “recharging.” That’s the aesthetic we’ve wrapped self-love in.
For Gen Z, self-love became this shiny, self-soothing toolkit where softness ruled and discomfort was the enemy. We took the concept and ran with it, but perhaps we ran a little too far.
At some point, we stopped holding ourselves accountable. We started using self-love to justify our worst habits. And gradually, it evolved into something else, something avoidant, indulgent, and at times narcissistic.
Why We Needed Self-Love in the First Place
Let’s be honest, we didn’t come up with this out of nowhere. We saw millennials struggle under hustle culture. We observed how deep-seated shame, guilt about productivity, and relentless self-criticism damaged their mental health.
We wanted something better. More gentle. More compassionate. And that was justified.
Because honestly? Self-hate doesn’t help you develop. Knock yourself down at every turn doesn’t make you stronger, it just keeps you stuck. So we pushed hard in the opposite direction… and ended up making softness our primary approach.
When Self-Love Turns Into Avoidance
What we missed is that real self-love isn’t always easy. It doesn’t always look like canceling plans or taking the day off.
Sometimes, it looks like showing up when you least feel like it. Getting honest with yourself. Doing the uncomfortable thing—because future-you deserves better.
But right now, we often trade growth for momentary comfort. We call procrastination “self-care.” We avoid conflict and label it “protecting our peace.” We let ourselves spiral in the same patterns and justify it as “healing in our own time.”
And sure, being gentle with yourself matters. But gentleness without growth? That’s just staying stuck.
The Discomfort Is the Point
Here’s what no one tells you: Growth will be uncomfortable.
But so is staying in the same place. So is waking up six months later, realising you’ve been sitting in the same mess and calling it a season of rest.
If you’re going to feel discomfort either way, why not choose the kind that actually leads somewhere?
Real Self-Love Isn’t Aesthetic. It’s Effort.
It’s brushing your teeth even when your mind’s a mess. It’s keeping promises to yourself. It’s choosing the gym over another "reset tomorrow" excuse. It’s forgiving people without texting them. It’s pausing before reacting—and then doing better.
You can light the candle. But you also need to do the inner work. You can rest—but don’t abandon the life you’re trying to build.
Because self-love isn’t a soft escape from growth. It’s the foundation that makes growth possible.
Self-love isn’t just a soft place to land—it’s the solid ground you build on. Let’s stop calling avoidance “healing” and start choosing the kind of discomfort that actually leads somewhere.